What's in a name...

The past few days as the lil one is moving more and more squeezing what is left out of the life of my now squeaky toy resembling bladder. I'm starting to rethink her name. She doesn't feel like an Aryana. =( Kenny suggested a name last night and even though I kinda icked it off it's starting to sit well with me. Now it's time to find a middle name that fits.. ack.
I don't remember feeling this way with the girls, Sere was named almost immediately and Sissy was heads or tales on a quarter..literally. Why is lil ones name so hard to pick? What is so different about her? I know she is going to be a beautiful precious little girl.. with or without a name..

Newest ultrasound pictures

I've lost it..

Being pregnant has decreased my energy in it's entirety..No seriously. Even after having 2 children I was able to stay up all night long doing whatever and able to maintain function all day long afer a little bit of coaching from Stacker 2 energy pills. Now I have to wait for little energy spurts throughout the day in order to so much as get my flip-flops on! I just got a little bout of energy and decided I needed to get some laundry done. Having to make sure of course these girls have clean clothes for tomorrows upcoming school day. As I sat down feeling wiped out after folding 1 load of laundry and starting another it's no wonder where my energy is going! Aryana has stolen it and is holding it hostage using all of MY precious energy to perform circus acrobatics in my uterus until her little heart feels content enough to allow me some of it back.

Big News.. Kenny finally felt her kicking! Of course it happened when I was sleeping so now due to lack of will, energy and a semi-restless night I have decided Kenny and Aryana are no longer playing peek-a-boo-wheresthebabykick, but they are now plotting something against me. Almost as though last nights kick was "Psst she's passed out, feel this and read to much into this HOWDOWEGETMEOUTTAHERE?!?!" Her kicks are getting lower and lower, I swear there are times when I feel as though shes gonna kick right out of my vagina and just leave a lil leg a swinging.

Hmmphff Target is having a baby sale and my swing is majorly reduced.. I'm broke. Bummerrrrrr. Figures, damned sale ads.

Security

All is quiet in the house, as I am the only one here. Go figure. The girls are off with my brother and his wife for the weekend and I miss them terribly. Isn't it funny how the school day never seems long enough and yet I send them away for a weekend because I feel as though I am at my wits end with temper tantrums and hearing the constant mooooooommmmmyyyy being called to me, sometimes even 2 inches from my face. I was perfectly okay with them leaving for the night until I came home from next door to a voice mail from my sister who transported them the 45 minute drive since she was headed that way anyway, asking whether or not Sissy had her "teddy" packed up in her bag. I looked at the couch and no my poor baby left home without her night time security. I look again and she also left the dvd she asked Kenny to borrow for the weekend. I almost started crying that is after a small bout of anger with my sister for her "even if you didn't I'm not turning around to get it!"

However, thinking about it got me started thinking about Kenny and my baby girl on the way. Is she going to be like Sere and Sissy? Is she going to need some sort of a "security" as well? Sere has never really had a security, her main security has always been "I need someone to cuddle with me or please just tickle my back" when she is upset. Sissy has always been since birth middle finger and ring finger straight to mouth, along with a wrap around sewn tag to a stuffed animals butt right to her upper lip. Is Aryana going to be our lil miss independent? Who will she take after? What will she look like? How can I possibly handle 3 little girls running around this small place? Will she cling to me as Sere did immediately after birth or will she be daddy's precious angel baby who wants nothing to do with mommy unless she has food as Sissy very much did. Will she have enough room in her little heart for equal love of both of us? So many questions fill my head every time I think of her. Sometimes I think happy thoughts and imagine this picturesque family portrait and others I see myself crying in the middle of the living room floor without a clue. I don't know why.. Do all parents question their parental abilities on a daily basis? More often than not I feel as though I am not the best mother I can be, in fact I know that I'm not, most days I feel as though I'm not a good mom at all and that terrifies me to no end.
I think that might be why I'm so clingy when it comes to Kenny lately.. maybe he is my security...

Day 2 of the new school year...

It seems funny to me that as much as I want these girls to go to school and give me the much deserved break of continuous fighting and tattle tailing. I did not want to wake up with the alarm clock this morning and have been literally dragging all day long. Maybe it's just a down day in the pregnancy however, My house looks as though my kids were still home all day long.
Nothing has been completed today except for a cup of coffee, a bagel, a ham sandwich on wheat (wasn't heated first..Oh Well!), a bag of Doritos and a small container of sour cream (cravings, sorry.) I look around and see a sink full of dishes from last nights dinner, laundry piled outside the doors and looking at the clock.. Ohh an hour and a half before I get child #1 from the bus.. and 2 hours until I get child # 2 and # 3 off the bus. I am hoping that today I get some damned paperwork from the school! Say I don't know..maybe a plan for what they will be doing this year or something..a school supply list perhaps that I wasn't given with registration or their class room numbers and teachers names. I am not impressed thus far with lack of oh say anything except a "Hey mom milk money was raised 15 cents from our last school" I will take fault in that knowing I could have easily looked up the prior school year lunch menu and seen the prices myself. My bad.
It's hot out and instead of sneaking away into the air conditioned bedroom I preferred to take a walk err waddle up to the mail boxes.. Fun Fun.. Now this isn't a long walk.. but I sweat more and walked all the way up to find.. No Mail! It's to quiet here without the girls I think I might actually miss them. Did I just admit to that?
Ugh..
I'm starting to sweat behind my knees.. yuck! I suppose that means I should get up and "try" to do something productive today..

Lack of Noise

All day long there has been a suffering from the lack of noise in my home. It was the girls first day of school. I could almost hear the clapping and champagne bottles popping as all the kids wandered down the long driveway, looking completely unlike their usually sweat and dirt covered summer selves.

Sissy dragging her feet as the bus came asking for just 1 more hug, 1 more kiss followed with a million and two I will miss you mommy kissy faces and I promise I will behave.
Someones mother(though I dont remember who)once told me that if my children behave for everyone BUT me then that means my job as a mother has been a good one. I'm doing something right! I paced around the phone nervously this morning cleaning my house ridding it of the summer essence that had toys creeping out of their monstrosity of a bedroom with visions of my 6 year old popping into my head of her roaming the empty halls of elementary school with tears in her eyes not knowing where to go. Hoping and Praying she remembered what I told her before she got on the bus, "If you get lost, show someone that can read the back of your bookbag." No phone calls came.. and they swore they behaved themselves like little ladies instead of the usually mouthy children they are.
I guess my lil munchkins really are allowed in public after all without my supervision... Imagine that one!
That is.. until the discussion of burps and boogers shows up at tonights dinner table. Hmmpfff guess you can't have everything =).